When Google gets needy

Just before switching hosts, I noticed that I could get a free $75 Google Adwords voucher from my old webhost. My mother taught me never to be wasteful, so I decided to redeem the voucher by signing up for Google Adwords, even though I do not really have any site to advertise.

Big mistake.

Or… well, not that big, but we need some drama, okay?

It turns out that Google is a very nice and quiet company when you use their products as a consumer; paying nothing for anything. However, when you sign up for their ad network, Google’s source of income, it’s like accidentally stepping into an empty clothing story with 10 sales people swarming around you.

“Can I help you, sir?”

“What are you looking for, sir, can I be of any assistance?”

Or, in Google’s case: “I notice you’ve come into our store, sir, but you do not appear to be buying anything, is something wrong? Is there anything I can do to change, to make you spend some money here? I would love to do it. Because we would really like your business, sir. Please give us some business. Here is my home number, so that if you change your mind, or you have any doubts whatsoever you can call me. Even if it’s the middle of the night, sir, call me. Please call me?”

Hello,

We’ve noticed that your ads still aren’t running on Google. We sent you an email last week with instructions for activating your AdWords account (we’ve included them below), but we wanted to reach out again and see if you needed any extra help.

If you’re having trouble activating your account, or if you’re not sure whether AdWords is right for your business, please let us know! We’re here to help you get started and answer any nagging questions you have about AdWords. If you’d like help, simply reply to this email with your questions or concerns.

If you want to get started right now, you can activate your AdWords account and start showing your ads by following these instructions:

1. Sign in to your account at http://services.google.com/marketing/links/us-awalogin.
2. Click the “Create your first campaign” button.
3. Create your ad campaign. We’ll walk you through the whole process, step by step.

To learn more about AdWords, please visit the AdWords Help Center at http://services.google.com/marketing/links/us-awasupport. We look forward to providing you with the most effective advertising available.

Sincerely,

The Google AdWords Team

Google Inc.
1600 Amphitheatre Parkway
Mountain View, CA USA 94043

Be careful what store you step into.