Former Spoon

“Don’t worry honey, there are more spoons out there.”

“There’s not just one spoon in the world. Believe me, there is a right spoon for all of us. Even for you.”

“Stop crying now, sweetie. You’re making your blouse all wet.”

“I’m sure it was not you. Spoons have their strange ways. They’re unpredictable.”

“Now, sweetheart, I’m sure it has nothing to do with your face.”

“No, it’s not because you’re fat. On the back of a spoon everybody’s equally fat.”

“No, spoons don’t mind that you’re missing one of your front teeth, it’s practical for them.”

“What are you yelling at me for? I suggested you’d go with a tea spoon to start off with, but no — missy had to take on a big one straight away.”

“Yes, I am saying you asked for it.”

“Yes, you are fat, but that has noth… oh for crying out loud, I told you so many times you shouldn’t use mascara, it’s only making things worse.”

“No, nothing is wrong with your nose. Surprisingly.”


“No I’m sure there are other spoons that would go crazy for a girl like you.”

“Are you crazy? Your fake eye is a great thing — gives them something to scoop.”

“Everything will be OK, honey pie. You’ll find a new spoon someday.”